I am married to my best friend, who I am crazy in love with. I can't imagine life without him. I am a 20-something momma through adoption and birth - I'm in love with each one of my babies and I can't get enough of them. I am a big sister to seven brothers and sisters - who I absolutely adore. I'm passionate about adoption and intentional at recognizing the role God has me at as the second mom to my babies. I am the kind of person who will try almost anything. I love to travel and see new places. I have big dreams for my family - but I know that God's plans are bigger than my imagination can handle and I am excited to see where he will take us!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Its been hard...

...like really hard. The good thing is that i can find people who have visited the orphanage - and since the boys LOVE getting pictures taken I can see new pictures of them. The hard thing about that same thing - is knowing their life is the same and they are still in that place. They are STILL THERE. STILL ALONE. I am here... living my life. My nice, easy, comfy life.

I pulled up their pictures on the screen and saw my oldest boy.

I started to sob.

I don't cry much. My reaction surprised even me.

His hair had grown and I couldn't get over how much he had changed in just two months. That smile though - that smile... still as gorgeous as it always was. When i saw his picture and that precious grin - i just wanted to hug him. In one of the pictures he was wearing the shirt I gave him... not one of the bunch I had brought for the boys... but the special one that was mine, that i wanted him to have to remember me.

His smile oozes joy.

His eyes dance when he smiles.

I see it even in pictures.

You know when you look at your kid and think what a hand full they are but you think how they are worth every second of that motherly worry? Thats him. Looking at my boys and knowing that heart ache is ahead but that they are worth EVERY. SINGLE. SECOND.

They don't know they are worth that to me yet.
I hope they find out before their time is up.

Each night their sisters and I pray for them. Pray that Jesus will bring their brothers home. We pray that until he does that he would appoint his angels to stand guard over them and keep evil from them.

Could you handle thinking of your baby surviving alone... knowing anyone had access to them? Without you to filter the filth and evil that will prey on your baby? I get on my knees and pray that Jesus will protect them.

And I wait...

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