I had it in my head that I would go and while there I would find the child we would adopt. I was thinking a toddler... maybe at the oldest five, but preferably a child older than my son but younger than my oldest daughter (who is four). I was trying to decide who would be a good fit for our family... a boy or girl? I decided a girl because my amazing husband has a weakness for little princesses who are a "daddy's girl". He is so close with our daughters and they want to do EVERYTHING with their daddy. How could he say no to a little princess in need of a daddy to take care of her? So how do you like my plans? Sound good right? I also had the orphanage picked out - AHOPE. Its a private Christian orphanage for kids who are HIV positive. So there ya go - I let God know where he could find my princess, how old she needed to be... I am thoughtful aren't i?
I had plans before too...
like how we would start our family by adopting a child in the foster care system, a boy or two, elementary school aged, african american or biracial. Surprise, God decided to send us a beautiful hispanic princess whose birth we got to be a part of. We thought we would wait several years before having a biological child, after adopting a few. Surprise... when our hispanic princess was 9 months old, I found out I was pregnant. We thought we would adopt from Ethiopia next (in Jan 2010) but God slammed that door shut (much to my frustration) and four months later our son's parents asked us to be his mom and dad.
You would think I have learned.
You would think I would know that nothing happens how I think or plan.
You would think that I would see that God's plans are more than I could dream up.
I went to Ethiopia and I fell in love. I found the children I want to adopt.
But they aren't little girls... and they aren't even "little" boys.
I fell in love with some young teen boys who yearn for a mom to love them.
For a family to call their own.
For a family name to be theirs.
I fell in love with boys who wouldn't let me hold my bag for second, but instead was always by my side to hold it and anything else that was heavy... even if it took four of them taking turns because my bag was so heavy.
I fell in love with boys who gave away the brand new shoes that I bought them, to a boy who had no shoes. I fell in love with boys who were always thanking me and telling me how much they appreciated every.little.thing. I did for them.
I fell in love with boys who have no mom to scratch their back as they fall asleep at night. I fell in love with boys who don't have a mom to comfort them when they get their feelings hurt. Who don't have a dad to tell them how proud he is of them. Boys who don't have a mom to give them chicken soup when they have the flu. Boys who don't have a mom or dad to say "I love you" to them each night when they go to bed, each morning when they wake up... or for no reason at all.
They don't know what thats like. And they crave it.
These boys are incredible.
I fell in love with the boys whose eyes were filled with tears as they told me goodbye.
As they told me they loved me.
As they told me how much they would miss me.
These boys who have only each other.
But they are MY boys. In my heart, they are mine.
I have cried countless tears for these boys and what their futures hold.
I am praying that God brings them here. To my home. To be my sons.
I know he can do it.
I just hope he does.
But I need to remember that His plans always wow me...
can't wait to see what he has in store.
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